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The Galaxy Octopus Thing From Outer Space

Pain. A biting pain right at the front of my skull. I try to open my eyes but have to adjust to the blinding white light. I look down and see an operating gown. Great. Did I get into a bar fight again? I examine the room around me. My eyes land on someone. Something? I don’t know. It has giant violet eyes- like really giant.

It blinks at me. I blink back. Its tentacle pushes a button. I flash a smile, and it bares its goat-teeth at me. It raises up onto its...toes? Tentacles? Who cares. I'm probably on some metal frisbee sailing at light speed through the cold, desolate wasteland of space with discount Oswald. Might as well roll with the punches.

“So…” I start, “you gonna harvest my organs or something?”

Its metallic voice crackles through a mouthpiece. “We don’t harvest organs. That’s what those Degenerate slugs from Degenerous Alpha do.” An awkward pause. “We put a tracking device in your brain.”

“Lovely.” I pop my lips to break the silence. “So what happens now,” I ask.

“I don’t know. An earthling’s never woken up on the table before. My supervisor is on the way… Want something to drink?”

“Got any blue milk?” I give a giant snort laugh.

It rolls its eyes at me. “This isn’t Star Wars, you know?”

While I wait for the supervisor, I have nothing but time to think, and for some reason “Astronaut In the Ocean” starts playing in my head. How fitting. Maybe this earworm is a sign that I should finally sign up for those SCUBA classes. I start humming the tune, and ET’s eyes somehow get wider than they were before. It jumps to a silver box, and the song starts playing.

I guess Close Encounters of the Third Kind got something right.

The supervisor looks just as unsettling as the other alien. I don’t know what’s worse- his appearance or the fact that he’s wearing a doctor’s coat, stethoscope, and is carrying around a clipboard like in a real hospital. Wait. This is a real hospital.

It’s decided that I’ll be released into the wild- but not before my memory is wiped. The doctor raises one of those Men in Black memory erasers in my face. It flashes and-

Pain. A biting pain right at the front of my skull. I try to open my eyes but have to adjust to the blinding sunlight. I look down and see my tattered street clothes. Great. Did I get into a bar fight again? Something that feels like a pebble is around my neck. I rip off the chain and examine the object. It has a faint green glow and has what looks like runes carved into it…

Or maybe I got abducted.